'Caste is creating trouble for us...'

Updated: Jul 20, 2020, 07:18 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I love a person who happens to belong to another caste. My parents refuse to give me permission to marry him because of this, and because it will damage their self-respect.

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am struggling with a huge problem and need your help. I love a person who happens to belong to another caste. My parents refuse to give me permission to marry him because of this, and because it will damage their self-respect. I think I can fight with anyone and even die for him, but only if he agrees to be with me. I have spoken him several times, but he can't even bring himself to have a conversation about us with his parents. He says his parents will die if he discusses our relationship with them. I am not satisfied with his reason and am struggling to forget him and move on. He says we will keep this relationship a secret for our entire lives, but I don't want to keep this unofficial anymore. I want to marry him. What should I do? Should I sacrifice him or fight for him?
— Radha K
I think it's pretty clear that you don't really have an option, given that you know exactly what you want, and your partner isn't capable or interested in supporting you. I can't comment on the caste issues you have raised, or his reason for accepting them, but I do know that the law is on your side should you both choose to be together despite what your parents think. Any system that differentiates between people in an arbitrary, unscientific manner, can be disputed. Your partner's refusal to support you will unfortunately, make it impossible for either of you to carry on in this way. You shouldn't have to hide your relationship for the rest of your life, because it is impractical, unhealthy, and disrespectful. The fact that he doesn't get this should make it easier for you to recognise and accept that this isn't someone who is strong enough to be with you. Getting over someone you love is always difficult, but time is a great healer. The sooner you put this behind you, the easier it will be for you to move on.

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