Don't know where relationship is going

Published: Nov 15, 2019, 06:26 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

The last time we decided to break up was a little over a month ago, and he said he wasn't sure if we would ever get back because he wanted to settle down

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 28-year old woman and have been in an on-again off-again relationship with a 30-year old guy for the past five years now. We keep splitting up and getting back together, which was not stressful at the start but is becoming a problem as we get older because there is no clarity on where this relationship is going. The last time we decided to break up was a little over a month ago, and he said he wasn't sure if we would ever get back because he wanted to settle down. And then, a week ago, he messaged me again and I am confused. If this genuinely ends, I feel as if I can finally move on with my life. I'm not sure how to resolve this. I am fond of him but am also worried about whether I am wasting my time on something that has no future.

Five years is a long time to be uncertain about something. The two of you can't seem to make up your minds, which is okay for now, but won't be when one of you has finally had enough. If you want to move on, you always have the option of not responding to his messages. The fact that you do makes you an enabler because neither of you is willing to commit or effectively end this. Meet him if you must, ask him what he wants and, if he is still not sure, assume this will end once again. Being fond of him is great but spending the next five years trying to figure out where you're headed will not be pleasant for either of you. I'm sure he doesn't want to be in that position either.

I have dated a guy for three months and am sure he likes me. He doesn't come out and say it though. What should I do?

Why can't you just ask him? Why wait around trying to figure out what he wants? What do you have to lose except time?

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