Don't recognise my husband anymore

Updated: Oct 03, 2019, 07:13 IST | DR Love |

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Illustration/UdayMohite
Illustration/UdayMohite

Dr LoveI married my husband after dating him for a few years. Before our marriage, he was kind, caring, accepting of everything and extremely nice to be with. After the wedding, he changed into a whole other person that I can't really recognise any more. He doesn't allow me to do things I used to before, like meet college friends on weekends. He has issues with the way I dress and what I eat. He is short-tempered for no reason. On the other hand, he continues to behave as if he is still single, going out with friends whenever he feels like, and doing whatever he likes without asking for my approval. It feels hypocritical. I want him to be the person he was when we were dating, and don't know what I can do to make that change happen.
A lot of people change in all kinds of subtle ways after marriage, for reasons known only to themselves. You're right about the hypocrisy, because he does have different standards for himself and for you, and these should be called out. Your husband appears to have suddenly developed the delusion that marriage implies ownership of some sort and needs to be informed that what you have is a partnership. Tell him how you feel, why his behaviour makes you angry. If he takes you and this relationship seriously, he will simply have to do what it takes to try and be more like the man he once was.

My girlfriend is verbally abusive towards me all the time. I didn't take it seriously at the start, but she now abuses me even in public when there are other people around. What can I do to get her to stop?
Abuse in any form is unacceptable in a relationship. Tell her why mutual respect is important, and walk away if this doesn't exist. She needs to stop, and there can be no compromise. Respect yourself.

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