'He's still in touch with his ex, and it bothers me'

Aug 03, 2018, 07:36 IST | Dr Love

He says he loves me, and wants us to take our relationship to the next level. At the same time, he visits her whenever possible and rushes to her house whenever she calls him

'He's still in touch with his ex, and it bothers me'
Illustration/ Ravi Jadhav

Dr. LoveMy boyfriend has an unhealthy attachment to his ex-girlfriend that I can't understand. He says he loves me, and wants us to take our relationship to the next level. At the same time, he visits her whenever possible and rushes to her house whenever she calls him. This has happened too often for it to be normal. I am trying not to be jealous about it, but I find it strange that she continues to have such a hold over his life. When I ask him about it, and why he continues to run to her, he tells me that I am just being jealous, but how can I commit to him when it's obvious he still has feelings for someone else? Should I ask him to choose between her and me and just decide once and for all, instead of putting me through this all the time? I think he's being unfair to me.
This isn't jealousy if he doesn't have any real reason for abandoning you and meeting his ex-girlfriend, especially if you believe he still has feelings for her. At the same time, he hasn't explicitly said that he does, and may simply be in touch with her because they were once in a relationship and continue to be good friends. This is obviously bothering you, so you should insist that he have a conversation about it, and give you an acceptable reason for his behaviour. If he refuses to, and brushes off your concerns as jealousy, he simply isn't respecting your opinion enough and needs to be told about it.

What can I say to my boyfriend about always choosing cheap restaurants for our dates? It's not as if he doesn't have the money, so I don't know why he always acts so cheap. Am I being petty?
Money can drive a wedge between people, so you should offer to split the bill if that is what bothers him. Or maybe he's just careful with his money. Either way, talk
about it.

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