'His family doesn't want to accept me'

Updated: Mar 11, 2019, 08:13 IST | Dr Love

His family, however, did not. We decided to marry anyway because that is what he said he wanted to do at the time. Now, he has changed his mind and says he would like their approval too.

'His family doesn't want to accept me'

Dr LoveI am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 29. We come from different regions of the country and have been dating for two years now. We have been planning marriage and my family eventually accepted him after some time. His family, however, did not. We decided to marry anyway because that is what he said he wanted to do at the time. Now, he has changed his mind and says he would like their approval too. I don't understand this because it's not as if I am taking him away from his family. I have asked him to speak to them and come to some conclusion, but he hasn't. He doesn't speak to his father directly, and relies on his mother as a go-between. He now says we will marry but not tell his family about it. I don't know what to do or say to him. How is it my fault if his family doesn't accept our relationship? Why can't he support me when I am with him? Please help.
— Aishwarya P
He has changed his mind about a number of things, but what hasn't changed is his decision to marry you, which is what matters. If it is only the circumstances surrounding the marriage that are a problem, they will change in time. He can't keep this a secret from his family forever, obviously, and they can't hold this against him forever either. His inability to communicate with his family members effectively is a common problem that may never fully go away. I suggest you focus on the relationship between the two of you for now, instead of worrying about how both families will react. If the two of you manage to build a stable foundation, everything else will be a lot easier to manage as time goes on. He may not fully recognise or appreciate your support for him at the moment, but that will happen. Don't allow the future to intrude upon your present.

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