'My mother says no dating until I enter late 20s'

Mar 08, 2018, 07:25 IST | Dr Love

My mother recently found out that I was dating someone for a while, and threw a fit, saying I should be focusing on college rather than relationships

My mother recently found out that I was dating someone for a while, and threw a fit, saying I should be focusing on college rather than relationships. She didn't date anyone in her life, because she and my father had an arranged marriage, so she assumes I shouldn't even look at guys and should wait until I'm in my late 20s before I ever go on a date. I have tried reasoning with her, but she refuses to even give me a chance to speak. I am afraid that this will ruin my relationship with her, and I don't want that to happen. At the same time, I refuse to put my life on hold and not date someone just because she has these old-fashioned ideas that don't make sense in this day and age. What should I do?
It's fairly common for parents to not see eye to eye with how their children behave, because of a drastic difference in the circumstances surrounding how they grew up. This doesn't make your mother your enemy, even though you may be tempted to think of her as one at this point in your life. This isn't about someone being right or wrong; it's more about the two of you developing a sense of empathy towards each other and trying to walk in each other's shoes for a while. If she doesn't want you to date anyone, it's probably because she doesn't understand where you're coming from and how you think you want to live your life. If you don't understand why she's being so rigid, it's probably because you haven't had an open conversation about why she feels the way she does and what she thinks she's protecting you from. Either way, you both have each other's best interests at heart, which is something you shouldn't lose sight of. Why don't you try speaking to other members of your family to see what they think, and find out if they have any influence on her?

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