'She doesn't want to marry or break up'

Updated: Dec 22, 2016, 12:23 IST | Dr. Love

My future wife's parents came to my home with a proposal. I accepted it, but she is still confused. We have known each other for years...

My future wife's parents came to my home with a proposal. I accepted it, but she is still confused. We have known each other for years, and used to play together as children. She changed a lot after going to college though, and now says she wants to live alone. I don't get to spend enough time with her because she lives in another city. I have asked her to leave me, but she doesn't want that either. What can I do? — Kedar M
This is obviously not an easy decision for her to make, considering it involves the rest of her life. You think of her as your future wife already, because you have made up your mind about marrying her. She obviously doesn't share that view yet. The fact that she doesn't want you to end this relationship either proves that she still wants you in her life, but is probably just not sure how. Living in different cities only compounds this problem. If you want a solution to this, you will simply have to find a way to spend time with her without focusing on marriage. Let her get to know you better. She needs time to get comfortable with the idea, so find a way to do that instead of expecting her to come around to your perspective overnight.


What's the best way to get someone to know you're serious? I have been trying to get my girlfriend to understand that I want to be committed and take our relationship to the next level, but she just laughs it off whenever I tell her this. What can I do to convince her?
Her notion of what constitutes commitment is probably different from yours, as is her idea of what the next level is supposed to be. If you have told her this, that is enough. She has heard you and will probably acknowledge what you're trying to say when she wants to. Until that happens, why not focus on simply being around and accept the fact that she chooses to be with you too?

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