'To be in your future, she must accept your past'

Updated: 03 January, 2017 10:28 IST | Dr Love |

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My fiancee tends to obsess about my previous relationships a lot. She constantly mentions my ex-girlfriends whenever we fight, and sometimes says she wants to end this relationship because she can't trust me. This doesn't make any sense, because I have been extremely faithful to her. Just because she hasn't had as many relationships as I have doesn't make me unfaithful in any way. I'm afraid she may decide to not marry me just for this, which is a pity because it's a reason that makes no sense to me whatsoever. What should I do?
If she believes you are being unfaithful just because you have had relationships in the past, I'm afraid nothing you do or say will change her mind. I can't speak for her, of course, because it's hard to imagine what could give her such an idea if, as you say, you have been faithful. But, it may just be a certain amount of insecurity on her part that's prompting her to overreact to your past the way you claim she does. If she doesn't trust you, I'm afraid that's only going to make things harder for you after marriage, because it's one of the foundations on which any solid relationship rests. Try and convince her now, before things get worse. If you can fix this before marriage, your chances of making it work are a lot stronger. If you can't convince her, you are both in for a rough time.

Is it okay to date someone even if you don't want to because you don't want to hurt his or her feelings? I think that's the only reason I'm in a relationship.
No, it's not okay. By avoiding hurting someone's feelings, you are only creating a wrong impression that will cause a lot more pain later. Be honest and speak up about how you really feel, because not doing so is also a disservice to yourself. If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't. Give the other person a chance to move on too.

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First Published: 16 December, 2016 06:00 IST

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