My abusive ex-boyfriend wants a second chance

Jun 29, 2017, 14:39 IST | Dr Love

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I decided to end a relationship with my boyfriend after years of abuse. It's been two years since we broke up and he has recently been emailing to say he has changed and wants me to give him another chance. I don't want to though, because I have put that part of my life behind me. Am I doing the right thing?

It seems to me as if you have already made your decision. You have managed just fine for two years and, if you truly have put that negativity behind you, your decision to give him another chance rests only on how important his presence is in your life today. If it isn't, ignoring those emails is probably the smartest thing to do.

We have been in a relationship since the last 5 years and everything was going perfect for a while. He used to call and message regularly, until it stopped rather suddenly. When I asked what was wrong, he said we could talk or message only if there was something important. I told him I wasn't okay with this, but he says I have no choice. He is not breaking up with me, but he isn't communicating either. What should I do? — Shivali C

If he feels the need to speak to you just once a week, you need to ask yourself if you are in a relationship to begin with, irrespective of whether or not he is actually breaking up with you. Communication is a cornerstone of any relationship, and an inability or refusal to communicate is one of the biggest reasons why relationships fail. You are well within your rights to insist that he speak more, or at least tell you why he has taken this drastic step. If he fails to do both, you are only being unfair to yourself by allowing him to control you in this manner. Take a decision based on about his importance in your life, but put yourself first.

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