'Why do we share my money, but not hers?'
I have been with the same girl for three years now, and we have been talking about the possibility of marriage, but there are a few things about her that bother me at the back of my mind. She has a problem with discussing her finances, for instance
I have been with the same girl for three years now, and we have been talking about the possibility of marriage, but there are a few things about her that bother me at the back of my mind. She has a problem with discussing her finances, for instance. I don't know what she earns, how much she has saved, or what she does with her money. She never offers to pay when we go out, assuming it will always be me picking up the bill. I know this sounds petty and makes me look like a money-obsessed guy, but I believe honesty and transparency is a two-way street. If she can ask me about my finances when we talk about marriage, why shouldn't I be allowed to know what her bank statements are like? Why should I always be the one footing the bill? Am I being unfair to her?
These are all valid questions, and you really do have a right to ask her about them if you want to take this relationship to the next level. A lot of people tend to ignore the financial aspects of dating, which leads to a lot of heartache at some point. If something bothers you, I suggest the sooner you get it off your chest, the better. It's also hypocritical if one person asks questions but doesn't give the other person the same right to do so. As for paying the bills, you are both adults with incomes of your own.
If you don't like picking up the tab all the time, say it. This isn't about chauvinism; it's about being smart with your money, especially if and when you get the feeling that you are being taken for granted. Your girlfriend does have the right to withhold information, of course, because everyone ought to be able to choose what to disclose and what not to, but you also should be able to ask her what her reasons are. Be honest about how you feel.
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