A young man DMs me. "We would like to feature you as an inspiring woman in the upcoming Women's Day campaign for our brand."
Illustration/Uday Mohite
It's March. Yaniki, the month when suddenly a lot of people remember me.
A young man DMs me. "We would like to feature you as an inspiring woman in the upcoming Women's Day campaign for our brand." "Oh. Which aspect of me do you mean?" (Modesty is the best policy). "Ma'am I will have to come and understand your story." "So you don't actually know what I do?" "Ma'am you are an inspiration to many women."
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Nervous, I called up my friend in advertising. "Can you help me? I have to tell someone my story as an inspirational woman."
"Are you sure?" I ignored this discouragement.
Believe in yourself, even if you don't know what yourself is. "How much will they pay me d'you think?" "Nothing. Only aspirational people get paid. Inspirational people get the gift of attention in return for providing content."
"If you're inspirational don't people aspire to be like you?" "No," she said patiently. "Deepika Padukone, whom everyone wants to be, is aspirational. Inspirational people are folks who do things no one else really wants to do, but they like that you do it. Anyway, let's build your story. Have you done something brave?"
"I climbed a few hills in Turkey, and I'm very scared of heights."
"Please be serious. Have you posted a brave Instagram photo—say without make up, or without waxing?"
"You know I don't wear make-up and I've got the usual conflicted feminist relationship with waxing. I'd like to not, but I eventually succumb to the beauty standard every six months. Feminism is a process, right?"
"Zoning out, babe. Have you been the first person to do something?"
"I guess I made films on some topics first, but I'm sure someone somewhere might've done something connected. But why first? Feminism is about the intersecting understandings of feminists of all types and how you build on each other's work and celebrate solidarity and the collective and..."
"Please this is getting very #NinetiesNarivaad haan. You don't seem to have a brand babe."
"Oh! Speaking of the '90s, I was Aunty 303. How about that?"
"That was before the Internet, so it doesn't count. Ok, what are you really good at?"
"I throw really good parties, have a good earrings collection and make excellent roast pork."
Pity withered the phone line. "Have you overcome something?"
"I overcome terrible self-doubt every day."
"Please focus. Are you a seemingly normal person with a quirky profession?"
"I'd say I'm my own kind of normal, yaniki, you know, Paronormal."
"Random. Ok, have you created a hashtag?"
Relief floods through me. "Yes! #BoreMatKarYaar."
"Trending?"
"No. But a lot of people like it. Well, some people. But they like it a lot."
"I really need to get back to work babe. We have a big everywoman campaign coming out for IWD."
"Well, couldn't I be an Everywoman?".
"Nah. You're like, alternative types, which is actually, neither inspirational nor aspirational."
"Wait. I've got it!" I cried desperately. "I'm enquirational! Like, I'm enquiring about the status quo, and ask thoughtful questions and try to make beautiful, helpful things with a feminist heart and..."
"Cool. Keep it up" she said and hung up.
Fine. I will. And all you inspirational, aspirational, enquirational people out there—Happy International Working Women's Day. I send you love and good vibes for the long haul. Keep it up, ok?
Paromita Vohra is an award-winning Mumbai-based filmmaker, writer and curator working with fiction and non-fiction. Reach her at paromita.vohra@mid-day.com
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