Foreign wapas aao!

Aug 05, 2018, 10:11 IST | Rahul da Cunha

Immy, as we all know, has more good friends in India than in Pakistan. And only Jemima in the UK. His "fast friends" being Kapil Dev, Sunnybhai and Navjot 'Sherry Paaji' Sidhu

Foreign wapas aao!
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Rahul da CunhaSo this is one of those weeks when India had many 'transactions' with foreign powers. I don't mean global politics and the Indian role in that. Nahin nahin, I'm talking about some of our 'celebs' making attempts to flee/escape/visit foreign lands, but trips being aborted, and cancelled. Obviously the media will report events as they see them. I have the actual information.

Let's begin with Mehul Choksi. Reports say that the uhm... uh... portly gent split to Antigua and he's been deported back. This is in fact not true. This has got nothing to do with extradition. What actually happened is the day that he split to Antigua, designer Masaba Gupta called her dad, the great Vivian Isaac Richards and informed him of this. Viv met Choksi at the airport, and took him straight to the cricket ground and made him do 100 laps. An Indian Embassy official who wished to remain anonymous said that he ran one lap, and then jogged straight back to the airport and is on his way back to India.

"100 years in Tihar Jail is better than 100 push ups," he was quoted as having said. Talking of jail, the King of Good Times is about to do some hard time. The Brits are sending Vijay Mallya back. Not for any other reason, but because he lied to the government. Apparently, in exchange for letting him reside in the UK, Mallya promised the ECB (English Cricket Board), a number of trade secrets about Virat Kohli. He allegedly told Andrew Strauss, chairman of ECB, "Virat's my boy from the Bangalore Royal Challenger days. If I tell him to get out, he will get out."

To which Strauss told Mallya, "Mate, James Anderson already knows that. Tell us something we don't know." Unfortunately, Kohli has proved everyone wrong and the former liquor baron is being sent back. But there's good news — he gets a western-style loo. And striped prison pyjamas designed by Manish Malhotra.

And, finally, there's the biggest event of all, which is the swearing in ceremony of Imran Khan. So Immy, as we all know, has more good friends in India than in Pakistan. And only Jemima in the UK. His "fast friends" being Kapil Dev, Sunnybhai and Navjot 'Sherry Paaji' Sidhu.

So all three were thrilled that they had been invited to go across the border to witness this historic event. Sidhu in fact went a step further, bought a whole new wardrobe, he even told colleagues, 'This is like a dress rehearsal for me, because in 2024, when Congress comes back to power, Manmohanji has assured me that I will be the PM nominee."

So Sidhu boarded the Karachi bound flight, along with his former mates, only to be told mid-air that the invitation had been
withdrawn. At which point Navjot is said to have told the pilot to take a U-turn and fly back to Delhi. When the pilot tried to argue, Sidhu turned to Dev, Haryana Hurricane, and said, "Paaji, you tell him." The answer came back, "Kapil da jawaab nahin."

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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