'Forget past grudges and enjoy the future'

May 21, 2016, 06:12 IST | Dr. Love

Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age

Q. Is holding a grudge towards my partner unhealthy?
A. Holding a grudge towards anyone is unhealthy, let alone holding one towards your partner. Criss Jami, the American poet who published a collection called Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile, had a very interesting thing to say about them: 'Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.' Why devote energy towards something negative and potentially soul-sapping when you can focus on something positive instead? Why spend your life obsessing over something or someone from your past, when you have your future to look forward to and your present to live in? Why send questions like these to strangers at newspapers when you can be sitting at home watching a nice movie with your partner instead? Forget about your grudges; they aren't worth your time.

Q. Is it unhealthy if I date someone my family doesn't like?
A. It is definitely unhealthy in parts of North India, apparently, where the village elders may murder you for doing this, primarily because the government hasn't been able to stop them from this barbaric way of thinking. Apart from those pockets of regressive behaviour though, there is no connection between who you date and the health of your family. Your mother may have a migraine if she finds out that you're interested in some actor from the Bigg Boss TV show, but that's understandable. You can always ask your family members for their opinions on your partner, of course, but it's still your life and your decision that ought to matter most.

Q. I sometimes long for the kind of life Kangana Ranaut had in the movie Queen, where she leaves an unhappy relationship behind and goes on to see the world. Is that normal?
A. You can also leave an unhealthy relationship behind, save money, and go on holiday. Not sure what the problem is. It's perfectly normal for a human being to want happiness. And if that movie is your idea of a happy life, you should try and follow in her footsteps.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com

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