'Hate boyfriend's silent treatment!'

Updated: Apr 25, 2020, 20:04 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

The only thing that prevents us from having a great relationship is his habit of giving me the silent treatment whenever we have a disagreement.

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, and the only thing that prevents us from having a great relationship is his habit of giving me the silent treatment whenever we have a disagreement. He simply clams up, goes to his room, and refuses to speak until he calms down. I have repeatedly tried to explain that not communicating only harms us because it prevents me from understanding where he is coming from, but he continues to behave this way. He apologises later, and says he wants to change, nothimg changes. How do I resolve this?
An inability or refusal to communicate is usually a defence mechanism adopted by people who have a fear of confrontation. Your boyfriend may have his reasons for not willing to talk about things but, since you don't share that belief, what you are doing is right. He needs to accept that your need for communication is real, and important for the future of your relationship. If he doesn't get that, talk about why his refusal to speak is an act of disrespect because it cuts you out of his life, even if for a limited period of time. The chances of him opening up at some point may require patience on your part. I suggest you think about whether you are prepared for it. If he refuses to try, things will only get worse.

I have been dating a girl for a few months, and she constantly struggles with moving on from her past. Her ex-boyfriend was nasty and emotionally abusive, and she continues to deal with the effect of that. I do my best to make her feel secure. Is there anything else I can do?
It seems as if you are doing the right thing already. It takes us all a while to move on from trauma, and having a supportive partner makes a world of difference.

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