He blows hot, blows cold all the time

Published: Oct 05, 2019, 06:07 IST | DR Love |

I asked him if he wanted to get into a relationship because I really like him, but he keeps saying he is not ready for one because he isn't comfortable with the idea yet

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI have been seeing this guy on and off for the past eight months. We go on dates, chat about everything, and then nothing happens. I asked him if he wanted to get into a relationship because I really like him, but he keeps saying he is not ready for one because he isn't comfortable with the idea yet. At the same time, if I don't initiate a conversation, he asks me out. If I don't say anything after a date, he is always the one to ask me out again. I don't know what he wants and it's driving me crazy. What should I do?

It's actually pretty clear that he's the one who doesn't know what he wants. If you like him, and like the idea of spending time with him, does it hurt you to accept his invitation to meet? It's not as if he is rejecting you completely, and it's obvious that he likes spending time with you. Try and understand what he means when he says he isn't comfortable with the idea. If he's not comfortable yet, why not meet him until he gets to a place where he can consider a relationship? Ask yourself if you are prepared to wait, of course, and if you think this is someone worth waiting for. If he is, why should meeting him be a problem? What have you got to lose?

I think I am addicted to pornography, and I really want to stop but don't know how. I don't meet my friends much anymore because I am always on porn sites and it is beginning to affect my health because I don't even step out much during the day anymore. What can I do to stop this? I don't want it to take over my life.

You can obviously restrict access to sites that host this kind of content, and spend more time away from a computer or phone. You should also consider reaching out to a professional counsellor if you need more help.

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