He calls it harmless flirting. I'm confused

Updated: Apr 10, 2020, 04:39 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

A few days ago, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, and he declined, saying he didn't want to give me the wrong message

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI have a question about harmless flirting, because that's how a colleague of mine describes his actions. He always compliments me, and sometimes says he likes me a lot. A few days ago, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, and he declined, saying he didn't want to give me the wrong message. I felt like a fool, because I had misinterpreted his words. Should I tell him to stop flirting?

You are well within your rights to ask him to stop saying anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Flirting is never harmless if it messes with someone's feelings. He may downplay it by saying a compliment doesn't hurt, but you should always think about how his comments make you feel. If you like him, and he doesn't reciprocate, you always have the option of not interacting with him. If he says he likes you a lot, you can always ask him to clarify what that means. Maybe he would just like to be friends. You don't have to feel foolish, because misunderstandings can always be resolved.

Someone I have had a crush on for a year recently found out about it through a mutual friend who let that information slip at a party. Since then, she has been avoiding me and doesn't even say anything beyond hello. This is someone who was once a friend, so it I am hurt. How do I fix this?

If she isn't interested, avoiding you may simply be her way of giving you that message. She probably wants to stay clear of any potentially embarrassing encounter, which is why she doesn't communicate anymore. If you can accept her decision, and want to be friends, you should try and make that clear to her. Awkwardness between the two of you can always be avoided by you being honest and open about how you feel.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com

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