He controls me because I earn less

Published: Aug 13, 2019, 06:05 IST | DR Love

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Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

My boyfriend always calls the shots when we go on vacation, because he earns more than I do and assumes this gives him the right to decide what we should do, where we should stay, and even where we can eat. I didn't resent this at the start, because I liked him taking control, but it is beginning to bother me because I feel as if my financial situation alone is allowing him to dictate terms. I feel as if I am at his mercy, and it is not a nice feeling because my opinion counts for nothing just because I don't earn as much as he does. How do I get him to see my point of view?

Financial issues are common in relationships because they can start to form the basis of power struggles. It is important that you mention this to your boyfriend, because the chances are, he isn't aware of how his need for control is undermining you. He may have assumed that, since you were once okay, he can continue making decisions on your behalf. What you bring to this relationship in monetary terms may be important to him, but the need for mutual respect overrides that. Speak to him about how you feel. Don't assume he will change simply because you feel terrible.

I have been with a girl for six months now, and think I am ready to take this to the next level. The problem is she is extremely guarded about her personal life and isn't comfortable talking to me about anything to do with her family. I can't seem to convince her that she should be open with me. How do I change this?

There is nothing to change because she probably just needs more time and space than you do. You may want to take this forward, but that doesn't automatically imply that she has to be comfortable talking about things that bother her. The best thing you can do is give her all the time she needs.

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