He does not want to commit to me

Updated: Apr 09, 2019, 20:27 IST | Dr Love

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He does not want to commit to me

Dr LoveMy question may sound simple and straightforward, but knowing someone for so long muddles my thinking. Please provide me with a solution. I am in love with my best friend. We have known each other for four years now. He is attracted to me too and, on a trip together, we got physical. He will be moving to Canada soon though and, when I ask him about us, he says he is not ready for commitment and thinks of me as just a friend. We are still friends, but I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him about this again, just move on, or stop being friends?
— Anam D
Your friend is reluctant to commit for a number of reasons, starting with the fact that moving to a new country leaves him with no definite idea of who he will meet or whether he will feel the same way about you. Friendships sometimes fail when people move away, and relationships are no different when distance is involved. Another possible reason is he probably doesn't think of you the same way as you do about him, which may be true even if he wasn't moving away, in which case you may have to accept that and think about whether you are okay with just being friends. My advice would be to not push this, for now. Having the same conversation so quickly won't change anything. Instead, allow him to move, continue being friends if you value this friendship, and give him time to figure out what he wants. He hasn't experienced the loneliness and lack of security that moving abroad entails, and may come to re-evaluate his relationship with you if he starts to recognise the value you bring to his life. It sometimes takes distance to teach us the importance of people we take for granted. If he still feels the same way after a few months of living abroad, you can take a call on this.

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