'He doesn't get my bond with my mum'

Updated: Aug 01, 2019, 08:17 IST | DR Love

I was married four months ago, and my husband isn't comfortable with my mother for some reason.

'He doesn't get my bond with my mum'
Dr Love

Dr LoveMy mother and I have always had a close relationship. We share things, have always been open and honest about everything, and don't like staying away from each other for too long. I was married four months ago, and my husband isn't comfortable with my mother for some reason. He finds it suspicious that she and I talk so often, probably because he doesn't have a good relationship with either of his parents. He hasn't said anything to me directly, but often hints at how much time I spend chatting with my mother and how it's not a good thing for a wife to ignore her husband in favour of her parents after she has left their home. I don't buy this ridiculous argument at all. How do I get him to change his mind about her? I would like them to get along because they are both important to me.
It's a four-month relationship versus one you have known since you were born. You're right about your husband's idea being ridiculous, of course, but it points to a feeling of insecurity on his part that you should try and understand. If he doesn't share the kind of relationship with his parents that you do with yours, it is only natural for him to struggle with understanding the bond you and your mother share. I suppose the best thing to do would be to try and include him, in a way, so he doesn't feel as if you are taking sides or choosing her over him. This sounds childish, but insecurity can affect either person in a relationship, and not addressing it can have serious consequences. Tell him that you would like to understand his point of view and explain why your bond with your mother is different, and always will be different, from what you share with him. This is something only time and patience can resolve, because he will have to get to know you as well as your mother a lot better than he now does.

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