'He doesn't like spending time with my parents'

Apr 12, 2018, 07:00 IST | Dr Love

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Illustration/Ravi Jadhav
Illustration/Ravi Jadhav

How can I convince my boyfriend to spend more time with my parents? He meets them once a month, but hates the idea of chatting with them for more than a few minutes and I can't understand why.
It's obviously difficult for him, so you should give him a chance to explain in his own time, going by the premise that he isn't doing this on purpose to hurt you or your parents. Talk about it whenever possible, allow him to understand why you want him to chat with them, and give him a patient hearing if he tries to put across his point of view. This isn't a crisis. It's something that can easily be resolved with open lines of communication.

I was in a relationship for three years, after which my boyfriend and I decided to marry. We did this despite the fact that my parents never supported the relationship and didn't even bother helping with any financial arrangements during the ceremony or otherwise. My parents attended our wedding for a short while and left, but most of my relatives didn't even bother to show up, because they knew I was going against my parents' wishes. This is what hurts me the most, because even cousins I was close to while growing up stayed away. Should I forgive them just so we can be a family again?
You stood your ground for all these years and chose to behave in an independent manner on the basis of your priorities. If you choose to forgive and forget, that is your call, too, and it should be based on how much you value your family's presence in your life. It won't have been easy for your relatives to support you if your parents weren't, and this isn't about whether your choice of partner was a problem or not, because that is subjective and beside the point. I suggest you base your decision simply by thinking about the importance of these cousins and other relatives in your life.

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