He is abusive, but I can't leave him!

Updated: 11 September, 2020 04:44 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I know there are serious problems with him, but I love him a lot and can't figure out if I should just give up on him or try harder to save this

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveI have been in a fairly difficult relationship for over a year now. My partner is verbally abusive and does everything he can to belittle me for no fault of my own. My parents say he has mental issues and want me to end this because they think it is damaging me. I know there are serious problems with him, but I love him a lot and can't figure out if I should just give up on him or try harder to save this.

You may love someone a lot but that matters only if there is a certain amount of reciprocation. If he claims to love you too, the verbal and emotional abuse says the exact opposite. Healthy relationships are built upon mutual respect, and belittling a partner is not a sign of respect. Your parents obviously want what is best for you and are worried because they have probably noticed warning signs that you haven't accepted yet. My suggestion is you put yourself first, if you don't want to listen to your parents, and ask yourself if you would do to someone you love what this person has done to you for a year. At what point do you think enough is enough? Why don't you deserve better?

My boyfriend's phone beeped when he wasn't in the room and, when I checked, I found romantic messages from someone I have never heard of. I feel sick and don't know how to confront him. It has been a week now, and I am just pretending that things are normal. What should I do?

If he is cheating on you, why are you afraid to confront him? The sooner you ask him about this, the easier it will be for you to decide what you want to do next. If there is no trust between the two of you, there is no relationship either. What do you hope to accomplish by pretending there isn't a problem? Do you think it will just fade away, as if by magic?

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First Published: 11 September, 2020 04:50 IST

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