He now says nasty things about others

Updated: Aug 26, 2019, 15:27 IST | DR Love

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He now says nasty things about others
Illustration: Uday Mohite

Dr. LoveI have been with a guy for the past three years. We used to be good together, and still are, except for the fact that he seems to have changed towards other people. He is a lot more abusive and says nasty things about people he has known for a long time. I don't know what makes him say these things but he seems angrier and is unnecessarily mean. He doesn't say or do any of these things to me, which is why I am confused. I don't want to be with someone who behaves like this with other people, but don't know how to confront him and get him to see that this is wrong. What should I do?

His anger is possibly a sign of something else, a manifestation of some insecurity or frustration. It will be hard for you to evaluate what is driving this, especially because it isn't directed at you, but it's obvious that there is something bothering him that is making him hit out. I suggest you give him an idea of what it looks like from your perspective and point out how you think he has changed. If he admits to this in some way, ask if he will consider speaking to a neutral person, like a counsellor, to try and understand why he feels the way he currently does. If he isn't comfortable with that, ask him about speaking to you or a close friend. Either way, he needs to know how this may affect his relationship with you.

Are there any affordable ideas to help keep romance alive in a relationship? Expensive gifts and dates don't really seem like a good idea to me.

You're right about expensive gifts and dates not being a good idea, because they may not be sustainable and shouldn't be the basis of what a good relationship is based upon. It's usually the simplest things — like cooking someone a meal or simply spending time doing something you both like — that are the most effective.

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