He threatened to slap me. I am shocked!

Updated: 13 October, 2020 07:37 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He apologised and things calmed down, but I keep thinking there is another side to him that I haven't seen, and it bothers me a lot. Should I confront him about this?

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr Love

I am a 42-year old woman and have been married to a 47-year old man for a year. It was an arranged marriage and we both agreed to it because we felt it was time to settle down. Things were okay for a while until we had a major argument a month ago and he threatened to slap me. This was a shock because he had never seemed like a violent person until then. He apologised and things calmed down, but I keep thinking there is another side to him that I haven't seen, and it bothers me a lot. Should I confront him about this?
You should. You are his wife and a successful marriage is about equals, with no space for violence. There are legal repercussions and he needs to understand that assault can lead to imprisonment because the law is very clear about domestic violence. It also betrays a lack of respect so, the sooner you call him out on this, the easier it will be for you both to establish rules and boundaries that cannot be crossed. It is early in your relationship and getting to know each other will take time. It is never too early to tell him how you feel about threats though, so I suggest you have that conversation as soon as possible. He may mean no harm, but this isn't the kind of thing that should be brushed under a carpet.

My wife turns 50 in two months and I don't know how to celebrate it because I want a divorce. We are incompatible and I know there is no hope for this relationship. I don't know how to break the news to her before her birthday, but I don't want to behave as if everything is normal either. What should I do?
Why should an upcoming birthday have an impact on a decision that will affect you both for the rest of your lives? If you can't lie, why not come clean immediately? There will be other birthdays.

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First Published: 13 October, 2020 06:14 IST

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