He wants me back, but I'm not so sure

Updated: May 12, 2020, 08:37 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

My girlfriend thinks I am racist, even though I don't think I am. She says I should change, but how can I if I don't accept her accusation? How do I deal with this?

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI broke up with my boyfriend a little over a year ago, because we had some serious disagreements. I stayed single, but he began dating someone else. A week or so ago, he messaged me on Facebook to say he had ended that relationship and asked if I would consider giving him another chance. I think I would have, if it hadn't been for the fact that he chose to go out with someone else. Am I being selfish, or is this a good decision? I want him back but can't stand the thought of him being with another person, even if it was shortlived.
If you have considered giving this relationship another chance, it's because you have probably had some time to think about what went wrong and how it can be fixed. Isn't it possible that he had to date someone else to arrive at precisely that same decision? If he reached out to you, he probably had good reasons, but you won't know what they are unless you give him a chance to explain. You don't have to get back with him, but it doesn't hurt to take things slow and be open about how you both feel. If you still can't accept his reasons for dating someone else, you are under no obligation to be with him again.

My girlfriend thinks I am racist, even though I don't think I am. She says I should change, but how can I if I don't accept her accusation? How do I deal with this?
Racists, bigots, or fascists are usually the last to accept that they are any of those things. This isn't to say your girlfriend is right or wrong, because I can't comment without knowing why she has made that accusation. What I can do is assume she says it because she believes it to be true. If you love and respect her, you ought to understand her point of view, and then justify why that tag doesn't apply to you.

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