His depression took a toll on me

Updated: Jul 13, 2019, 07:09 IST | Dr Love |

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Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy relationship just ended after three years because my boyfriend was depressed all the time and wasn't even making an effort to save this. We were in love for a long time, but he was almost always in a bad mood and I had to constantly bear the brunt of his many mood swings. I have been feeling guilty lately because I think I should have been more supportive, but I gave it everything I had for very long. I think it took a huge toll on me, but I now worry about how this has probably made things worse for him. What should I do?
Depression is an illness that can affect not just the patient but people in their orbit too. You have no reason to feel guilty, simply because this was completely out of your hands. Did your boyfriend attempt to deal with his depression by speaking to a counsellor or therapist? You can't beat yourself up for how this will affect him now, because his feelings aren't something either of you can control. Focus on yourself and think about whether ending this relationship has been good for you. If it has, I suggest you focus on that aspect alone and allow him to deal with his depression by getting the help he needs.

My boyfriend is selfish and doesn't do anything to help when I struggle with things. He is caring and kind all the time but turns into someone completely indifferent whenever I need him most. This has been the case for two years. Should I break up with him?
Successful relationships work when people stick together through thick and thin. If he wants you around only when things are good, that is unfair, and he needs to understand that. Tell him how his actions make you feel and give him a chance to make amends. If nothing changes, it is obvious that he doesn't respect your feelings. You can then decide if you deserve someone better.

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