His ex-wife won't leave him alone...

Updated: Jul 28, 2020, 07:29 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I don't want this to affect our future together but can't figure out how to say this to my husband without him thinking that I am just being jealous. How do I deal with this?

Dr LoveMy husband was married for three years and got a divorce before he met me. We dated for a year before deciding to marry. This is my first marriage and we have been together for around six months now. The problem I have involves his ex-wife, whom he is still in touch with. She calls him whenever she has some problem, and even asks him for money as a loan. I don't say anything about this because it is between them alone, but I think she has a negative influence on him, and he can't see it because he used to be married to her. I don't want this to affect our future together but can't figure out how to say this to my husband without him thinking that I am just being jealous. How do I deal with this?
If it has been six months, you and your husband will take time to get to understand each other better. The relationship he shares with his ex will always be impossible for you to come to terms with, because you weren't in the picture and won't understand the dynamics of how they interacted with each other. What I suggest you do is tell your husband why this bothers you and explain why the presence of his ex affects you financially as well as emotionally. If you think she is a negative influence, try and explain what you mean and why, because there has to be something substantial for him to accept your argument. Don't worry about this too much, because there will come a time when the bond between you two will be stronger, and honest conversations will be easier.

I don't want to lose either of the two guys I have been dating, because they are both great and I have strong feelings for them. Should I just lie to spare their feelings?
If you claim to love someone, and are simultaneously okay with withholding the truth from them, I would question the validity of your feelings.

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