How do I find out if he's telling the truth?

Updated: 27 August, 2020 05:30 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I accepted this explanation but am tempted to reach out to her and ask if what he says is true

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveMy boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have had our share of ups and downs. I have never had any reason to doubt him, but recently found a lip gloss in his car. When I asked him about it, he said it belonged to a friend's girlfriend because he had dropped them both a few days ago. I accepted this explanation but am tempted to reach out to her and ask if what he says is true. I feel as if I am being unnecessarily suspicious and am afraid of how my boyfriend will react if he finds out. He may think I no longer trust him, which will only create more problems. What should I do?

If, on the one hand, you say your boyfriend has never given you reasons to doubt him, why does the presence of a lip gloss undermine that certainty so quickly? If you have doubts and can't accept his explanation, why not tell him how you feel? It may be better to be open about with him than to start examining everything he says and making a mountain out of what is currently a molehill. This isn't about lip gloss. It is about other problems that are making you question him. I suggest you think about what these issues are and try working on them. Trust is critical in any relationship, so fixing that first may be better for you both.

I have been in two relationships so far, both of which ended up being emotionally and physically abusive. I am starting to feel as if I am to blame, which is frightening because I don't want to be afraid of dating anyone again. How can I tell if this was all my fault?

You are a victim, not the cause of the abuse you have suffered. To blame yourself is to absolve those who inflicted that abuse upon you. The sooner you recognize that, the better. You haven't found someone right for you yet, that is all.

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First Published: 27 August, 2020 05:30 IST


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