'How do I get out of a 9-year affair?'

Updated: Dec 23, 2019, 07:28 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I have been having an affair with someone for the past 9 years, but he is now married. I tried getting out of it but haven't been able to.

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 26-year old girl and am very confused. I have been having an affair with someone for the past 9 years, but he is now married. I tried getting out of it but haven't been able to. I want to get married, too, but how can I get out of this situation. Please help.
— Mehjabeen S
I'm not sure why you can't get out of this situation, given that this has now clearly turned into an act of adultery. What are you confused about? He has decided to marry someone else, after being with you for several years. Isn't this obvious lack of respect for you and your feelings enough to prompt you into doing what is right for yourself? If you want to marry, taking that first step and severing all ties with this man is the first step.

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up around 3 months ago because of a misunderstanding. What happened is, my cousin sister and I are in the same class. My ex is in another class and didn't know about my sister. When she saw us waiting for her outside class, she thought we were dating and insulted us in front of our group. She told them we weren't related and didn't even give me a minute to explain. I don't know how to move on from her, because I miss her sometimes. What should I do?
— Pratic T
Moving on from any person or event always takes time, because we process the act of separation differently. Your ex-girlfriend didn't give you the benefit of doubt, which should make it easier for you to recognise that there were no mutual feelings in that relationship. She insulted a member of your family too, which is another red flag. There is nothing you can do except congratulate yourself on being able to end something that clearly wasn't right for you. You may miss her now, but that feeling will pass.

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