'How do I start trusting her again after break up?'

Aug 31, 2018, 07:05 IST | Dr Love

Me and my ex-girlfriend were always suspicious of who the other person was chatting with or meeting, and it ended up taking a toll because we could no longer be open or honest about our feelings.

'How do I start trusting her again after break up?'

Dr. LoveMy girlfriend and I decided to go our separate ways after being together for a year-and-a-half, because we realised we didn't trust each other. We were always suspicious of who the other person was chatting with or meeting, and it ended up taking a toll because we could no longer be open or honest about our feelings. We met a week ago for coffee and suddenly began speaking about these things. She felt the same way and we thought it may make sense to try and give this another shot. The problem is, how do you build trust between people when you have both spent over a year not trusting each other at all? I would like her back in my life, but am afraid of repeating the same mistakes we made. Please help me.
It isn't going to be easy, but no one said building trust was ever going to be. It's great that the two of you have finally recognised this though, because speaking about a problem is the first step towards finding a way around it. You can build trust only by continuing to discuss it. Just because you didn't trust each other for a year doesn't mean it's going to stay the same this time around. I suggest you take small steps. The two of you want to give this another shot, which means you are both prepared to work a little harder. Talk about this every week, how you feel, what you think you can do better, what you expect her to do, and don't look at the big picture. Try and survive a week together, then take it from there. You may find yourselves in a strong, trusting relationship a few months from now without even recognising that you're there.

Should I tell my boyfriend that his taste in clothing is awful? I don't want to be rude.
You should feel free to say it, just as he should feel free to accept or reject your comments.

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