Conventional wisdom tells us that porn is not only damaging to our psyches, but also destructive to relationships
But who says porn is so damaging to monogamous unions. Before we consign it to the relationship deal breaker dustbin, perhaps we should re-examine our prejudices about porn to see if it’s really as bad as everyone says it is.
Salon columnist Tracy Clark-Flory recently tackled this very subject in ‘Does porn hurt relationships?’
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Clark-Flory cites a highly suspect survey conducted by the folks at Cosmopolitan, who seem to be taking a break from offering silly sex tips, that has determined that watching porn ruins sex because it destroys women’s sexual self-confidence.
The fact is -- we cannot ignore pornography even if we occasionally find it distasteful.
According to Gizmodo, 25 percent of all search engine requests are pornography related. That’s 68 million searches a day and a lot of libidinous viewing.
But despite the dubious claims made by the pages of Cosmo, watching porn doesn’t have to ruin your confidence and sex life.
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Under the right circumstances and in the proper frame of mind, watching porn together can actually do wonders for your sex life.
“Porn can actually help foster emotional and sexual intimacy,” the Huffington Post quoted Colorado psychologist David Schnarch, author of ‘Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship’ as saying.
Fantasy is part of a healthy sex life, and porn adds to the repository of sexy scenarios in our heads.
It can also inspire couples to experiment more in the bedroom (or outside of it if that’s where their fantasies lead them).
Porn is a shared experience. Any time a couple can share a hobby, or even better, a sexual experience, they are investing in the longevity of their relationship.
Going solo with porn is fine, but why not include your partner. Just make sure the kids are out of earshot before proceeding.
It’s an easy way to learn about your partner’s fantasies. Some people are very shy or ashamed about sharing their sexual fantasies with their partners.
Others don’t even know what really turns them on, much less what gets their spouses’ engines revved.
Thanks to the Internet, there’s a veritable smorgasbord of video clips with professionals and amateurs playing out any and every possible sexual act.
Watching porn can speed up foreplay.
In this modern world when everything and everyone is moving at an accelerated pace, the term “quickie” can take on a new significance.
And if you have young children who are perpetually just one knock away from the bedroom door, you may need to expedite your intimate moments.
It also shatters the myth that you can (and should) only be attracted to your mate.
We need to admit and accept the fact that our partner can be turned on by others.
Chances are great that you and/or your mate will be fantasizing about someone other than each other at some point during the course of a long-term relationship.
Watching porn together allows you to see your partner’s arousal at the image of another woman for what it is -- a biological response to a stimulus. There’s no need to feel threatened and insecure.
It may lessen the need to act out on sexual desires outside of your relationship.
If couples can get down and dirty together, it may obviate the need for “extracurricular activities.”
If you’re sexually satisfied by your partner, you’re less likely to look for gratification elsewhere.
Some think that watching or thinking about another is tantamount to “cheating” on your mate, but this sort of mindset ignores a central fact of human sexuality -- most of us crave variety.
Allowing your spouse to look at someone else out in cyberspace won’t wreck your relationship, but forbidding him/her to do so might put a strain on it.
And since it’s probable that porn will be viewed, giving permission allows for honesty and openness about one’s habits rather than feeling like they are shameful secrets that must be kept hidden.u00a0
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