Husband is obsessed with a celebrity!

Updated: 24 August, 2020 07:06 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

Watching her videos has become an increasing preoccupation for him. After 25 years of marriage, I feel so let down that I suffer from mood swings

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy husband in his early fifties has had an intense celebrity crush for a number of months. He has downloaded videos of this person, does Internet searches on her all the time, and checks out YouTube videos of stupid stuff like her gym workouts. This is obviously an extreme sort of obsession, and it causes problems in our relationship. Watching her videos has become an increasing preoccupation for him. After 25 years of marriage, I feel so let down that I suffer from mood swings. I can see the neglect from his side towards me as well as his disinterest in involving me in anything. I am affected by his behaviour. How do I deal with this?
— Anita R
There could be all kinds of reasons for this the preoccupation with someone else. I assume he knows she is a celebrity and, therefore, not someone he can have a real connection with. Taking this into consideration, it is possible that she fulfils some sort of emotional need for him. Relationships tend to fizzle out if people in them stop working towards making them better. I am not blaming either of you, but it's obvious that some changes will have to be made if things are to get better. The first thing I suggest you do is try and understand this obsession of his. Labelling the videos stupid will only make him retreat and cut you out because he will afraid of your lack of compassion or understanding. Try and get him to open up about why he is obsessed with this celebrity and share that enthusiasm. It may, at the very least, show you why he is attracted to a particular trait. If he isn't involving you in anything, you need to have a conversation about the future of your relationship. Speak to a common friend or trusted family member and ask him to consider couples therapy. You will both have to speak to a professional to find a solution that works.

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First Published: 24 August, 2020 04:03 IST

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