I can't get over the feeling of having been cheated
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
We have been married for 8 years and have a lovely 6-year old son. Two weeks ago, I came across old text messages on my wife's mobile sent to a colleague of hers. She claimed she was carrying his baby and would not keep it anymore because he had been ignoring her. The messages were a few months old and she had probably forgotten to delete them. After reading them, it felt as if my world had ended. When I confronted her, she admitted to sleeping with this colleague twice, but said they had used protection. She was trying to make him angry with those messages. She said it was a mistake and they were only good friends now because he is 7 years younger and she thinks of him as a younger brother. I have had no choice but to forgive her because of my child. She has promised that nothing like this will ever happen again and has agreed to break all contact with him. The problem is, I can't put aside what has happened. How could she misuse the trust and freedom I gave her? It will be simple for me to end this marriage, but she won't be able to deal with the loss of reputation and our innocent son will suffer for no fault of his own. I feel pain when I think about this, but I can't get these things out of my mind. What should I do?
— Too Sweet
Your feelings are entirely justified. There's not much you can do though, except think about why you have chosen to forgive your wife and sticking to that decision. If your family and child are important, you must find a way of accepting this pain and dealing with it until it eases over time. Your grief and anger are natural, but forgiveness is never easy. It is only by knowing that this will get easier to manage in the future and that you may be able to cope with the present.
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