I can't stand my closest friend now!

Updated: 15 October, 2020 05:13 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

Lately, however, I find it impossible to have a conversation with him because his political beliefs are radically different from my own

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveI have been friends with a guy since school and we always assumed we would grow old together because of how long we have known each other. Lately, however, I find it impossible to have a conversation with him because his political beliefs are radically different from my own. He had a strong streak of bigotry which upsets me, because this is not the kind of person I thought he was. I have decided to end this but can’t do it because I also worry that I may never find another friend like this. Should I simply learn to live with his faults?

People change all the time, because it is inevitable. The person who is your friend today isn’t the person you knew when you were younger, because we all evolve differently. If you find his beliefs incompatible with your own, what exactly do you think will change in the future? If you want to accept him, warts and all, that is great. You should think about what this acceptance means though, and what you gain or lose with his presence or absence in your life. Friendship, like any other relationship, can change our lives in good ways as well as bad. Base your decision upon whether you think this is healthy or toxic for you.

My boyfriend gets a lot of messages from a friend of his who is gay. I don’t know if I should worry.

Are you worried because your boyfriend’s friend is gay, or because he is texting your boyfriend? Do you think your boyfriend is gay too, simply because he happens to have a friend who is? I suggest you try and think about what the problem is and consider the possibility of homophobia. We can all have friends who have sexual preferences radically different from our own. It’s 2020, and what the world needs is more open minds and acceptance. If this bothers you, why not speak to your boyfriend about it?

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First Published: 15 October, 2020 05:12 IST

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