I don't think she really cares for me

Published: Apr 08, 2020, 05:14 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

She always speaks about her problems, but never really listens to me or discusses my own feelings

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI am 21 years old and so is my girlfriend, who is a colleague at work I have been dating for the past 3 months. We get along and share a great bond, but she is very moody, and I sometimes feel as if she is just being with me to pass her time at the office. She always speaks about her problems, but never really listens to me or discusses my own feelings. She makes me feel as if I sometimes mean a lot to her, and sometimes as if this whole relationship is of no importance. Am I overthinking things? — Sibin S

Your feelings are important, and shouldn't be ignored, because this can affect your mental as well as your physical health. I suggest you try and evaluate what your expectations are from this relationship and share them with your girlfriend. It has only been three months, so getting to know each other will take you both some time. You are at a different stage than she currently is, which is why you invest more time and effort that she appears to be doing. This doesn't necessarily mean she is uninterested, or that her mood swings are proof of a lack of interest. Give her time and space, allow her to get more comfortable with you, and tell her why her behaviour hurts you. If she doesn't change after a few months, you will have your r about whether she genuinely wants this relationship to work or not. I suggest patience for now.

What can one do to convince one's partner that what they are doing to themselves is very destructive? I want to be direct without coming across as a nag, but don't want this to jeopardise an already shaky relationship.

If things are shaky, one of the reasons could be the inability to say what you really feel. Nothing good can come from ignoring your instincts.

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