I forgave him, but can't seem to forget
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
My boyfriend went on an office offsite a few months ago and ended up having a one-night stand with a colleague. He says they were both drunk at the time and apologised for a long time. He said he admitted it to me because he realised it was wrong and didn't want to lie. I was upset, but eventually decided to forgive him because I want this relationship to work. Things have not been the same ever since though, because I can't seem to let go of what he did. Every time we are together, I think about how he betrayed my trust and slept with that woman. I don't know if I will ever be able to put this behind me and move on. What should I do?
Forgiveness is a beautiful thing because it is so difficult. You say you have forgiven your boyfriend, but you haven't because what he did still bothers you. He was wrong and admitted to it. You chose to be the bigger person despite the betrayal of your trust because you wanted this to work. It may take you a while to fully accept his actions as well as his guilt, because what you feel is normal. All you have to do is recognise that this is a process that takes its own time. There is no manual on how long it can take us to forgive and forget. It may take you a year, or you may never fully allow him to forget it. I suggest you focus on what you like about him and this relationship instead. If you find that you still feel the same way a few months from now, you can ask yourself some honest questions about what you want.
I want to marry someone, but he says he needs more time. Will being more forceful convince him?
When has force ever really worked for anyone or anything? If you want him badly enough, why can't you respect his decision and give him space?
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