I told him I like him, he says he's not ready

Updated: 16 November, 2020 07:50 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

My girlfriend and I have been together for four years, and I only found out a few days ago that she once cheated on me a few months after we began our relationship

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr Love

I have been friends with a guy for a while and, in April, my parents got me his biodata. We became closer during the lockdown, but he had no idea that his biodata had been sent to me. One night, I confessed my feelings for him and told him about it. He said he was not ready for a new relationship because of his past. I tried talking to him, but he was adamant. I had to stop talking to him, but I miss him. How do I resolve this?
— Rashita J
I'm not sure what the biodata has to do with any of this, to be honest. If he says he isn't ready for a relationship, he is being clear. If you have told him how you feel, and the two of you were fairly close until a break in communication, he has had no reason to lie about his feelings. Missing him is normal, given how the lockdown has made us rely on virtual relationships more than ever, but you can't change things if he simply isn't going to give this a chance. I suggest you allow yourself the time and space you need to accept his decision and know that you won't be upset about this forever. The two of you can always choose to stay in touch as friends, in the hope that he may change his mind, but there will probably come a time when you run out of patience.

My girlfriend and I have been together for four years, and I only found out a few days ago that she once cheated on me a few months after we began our relationship. This has devastated me, and I am thinking of ending this even though I love her a lot. Am I doing the right thing?
That depends entirely upon your capacity to forgive and forget, given how long ago this happened. No relationship can survive without trust so, if you can't let it go, there is no hope for your future.

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First Published: 16 November, 2020 06:02 IST

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