I want her to like my friend, but she hates him

Aug 15, 2018, 07:26 IST | Dr Love

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I want her to like my friend, but she hates him
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr. LoveI want my girlfriend to like my best friend, but she hates him. What should I do?
You can only hope that she changes her opinion of him eventually. Try and spend time with them both together to see if it helps.

My boyfriend is not a very emotional person, because he had a difficult childhood and has been struggling with a number of issues. I understand this and know that being unemotional is a defence mechanism for him. We have spoken about this, and I try to cope, but it is still very hard for me because he doesn't even react when good things happen. If it's my birthday, he is not concerned. If we have an anniversary, he will ask me not to make a big deal about it. I try not to get excited or happy, but it's hard because I know he won't share my happiness. He's a great guy and I care about him a lot, but this is difficult to manage all the time because I don't get any satisfaction out of this relationship. How can I get him to change?
It's great that you empathise with him and recognise that he has a problem, but it's also worrying when you say you get no satisfaction from this relationship. If you cannot be happy, because of his inability to deal with his situation, you owe it to yourself to point this out and request him to get the help he needs. Being selfless is one thing, but sacrificing your happiness for a relationship that doesn't give you anything in return can only lead to an enormous amount of regret and bitterness at some point in the future. Think about his importance in your life, how badly you want this to work, and whether he values your presence as much as you value his, before speaking to him about this. If this is important to him, he will do what needs to be done and get professional help if necessary.

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