I want out but don't want to hurt partner

Updated: 23 April, 2020 04:59 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He accepts her decisions over mine, dismisses my opinions if she has another one, and always gives her more importance than he ever gives me

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI want out of my current relationship, which is extremely toxic, but am guilty about it because I don't want to hurt my partner. What do I do?

Weigh the pros and cons of continuing to be in this relationship. If guilt means accepting abuse, ask yourself if it is worth it. Your decision should depend upon how much you respect yourself as well as how much you are willing to put up with. If you know this is toxic but want to deal with it only because you are afraid of hurting your partner, you should ask yourself if your partner extends that same courtesy towards you.

My husband loves me a lot, but never as much as he loves his mother. I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does. He accepts her decisions over mine, dismisses my opinions if she has another one, and always gives her more importance than he ever gives me. I don't want to say anything to him about this because I don't know how he will react, but it sometimes drives me insane and I am afraid of what this means for our future.

If something bothers you, the wise thing to do is always talk about it. Your husband will always have a different relationship with you than with his mother, given that the latter came first. He will treat you both differently all his life because you both mean different things to him. If you feel disrespected, you have every right to talk about it. If you are jealous, think about what makes you feel that way, given that you are his wife. It is important to speak about these things openly and honestly though, because he may simply have no idea of what you are going through. He may not assume that his relationship with his mother is something that affects his wife. Also consider that people treat their parents differently, based on how they were raised.

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First Published: 23 April, 2020 04:16 IST

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