I want to break up without sounding harsh
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
What is the best way to end a relationship without lying about your reasons? I think I want to end this, but I don’t know if I am doing the right thing here.
If you feel the need to lie, that is a pretty good sign that things aren’t going well. Honesty is the best approach though, and not just when it comes to ending relationships. Speaking openly about how you really feel can also help you understand aspects of your relationship that may probably not have been addressed.
I used to be very close to this girl for years. We went to school and college together, and I eventually thought I had feelings for her, so I asked her out. She turned me down, saying she couldn’t think of me as anything other than a childhood friend. I was devastated for a while, but I thought we could get over that awkwardness and move on. The problem is, she hasn’t forgotten it. She keeps thinking I am hitting on her and this has pretty much ruined our friendship because she now avoids me whenever she can. It feels as if our friendship is pretty much over at this point, which makes me sad because I really did treasure her as a friend. How can I get her to understand that I just want to be friends with her again?
You have known each other for a long time now, so this really just boils down to how honestly you can communicate and tell her how you feel. She needs to get a sense of what she means to you and why her friendship matters. She will recognise at some point that you have moved on, so you really have to try and maintain communication during this period of awkwardness until it blows over. Think about what the two of you used to talk about in the past, try and convince her to join you in the kind of activities you enjoyed together.
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