I'm not sure whether I still love the guy I'm dating
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
I have been dating a guy since 2014. It started out well and, even though I made a few mistakes and lied to him about important things at the start, I owned up eventually. After about two years though, things changed and we began fighting a lot. He would get verbally abusive and threaten me. We broke up a few times and I slowly began to be verbally abusive towards him as well. I slapped him once. He is the kind of person who says he forgives me, but reminds me about my mistakes constantly. He hated all my friends and we would always fight about me spending time with them. We are no longer together, but still meet a few times. I recently found texts and nudes on his phone, from a girl he has been in touch with since 2016. He says he has never cheated on me, but the texts prove otherwise. After I confronted him, he called me dumb and said I was dead to him. I need help with understanding this. I have been through a lot with him and don't know if I still love him. I feel as if I will never find anyone who will treat me the way he did when he was good to me.
— K Evelyn
We sometimes need to step away from a relationship to figure out whether or not it is damaging us. From what you say, it seems as if you and your ex-boyfriend both have serious issues related to trust, commitment and communication. He may have been great for you at some point, but he also cheated on you. If you want to hold on to the past because you're afraid of the future, the only person who loses is you. I suggest you stay away from him for a while, until you can figure out whether you want him despite all these issues, and if he will ever try and make this work as much as you want it to.
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