Is he using me for professional ends?

Updated: Jul 02, 2020, 07:36 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

When he asked me out, I thought he genuinely liked me, but I increasingly find that our dates are about him wanting to know more about the office and trying to figure out how he can get a promotion.

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI have been getting some warning signs that my partner is dating me only for an ulterior motive. We work together and I am in a much more senior position than he is. When he asked me out, I thought he genuinely liked me, but I increasingly find that our dates are about him wanting to know more about the office and trying to figure out how he can get a promotion. When I ask him to stop discussing work because I don't want to mix my professional and personal life, he gets defensive. Am I wrong in thinking that we should separate the two? What if he is just using me to climb up the corporate ladder?

There is nothing wrong with separating the professional from the private because that makes for a healthy relationship, more so because you both work together. It is worrying to be in a relationship where you can't be sure of your partner's motives though. If you continue to feel this way, I would suggest you end this before things become too awkward at the workplace. You should never be in a relationship you are not comfortable in, let alone one that involves a work colleague.

My ex-girlfriend and I had a horrible break-up a few years ago and it took me a very long time to get over it. I had to get into therapy to deal with depression and I am a lot better now. A week or so ago, she reached out to me via social media and apologised, asking if I would continue staying in touch. She doesn't live in my city anymore and said it would be nice to still be friends especially because of the distance between us. I don't know what to do. What if being friends with her hurts me all over again? Am I over-reacting?

You're not. Your mental health is important, and you should do whatever it takes to protect it, especially if this means avoiding someone who may cause you pain.

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