Is it wise to tell your partner everything?

Aug 24, 2012, 12:58 IST | Aaishwari Chouhan

Hollywood actor Kate Hudson insists she won't keep any secrets from her lover. We find out if sometimes, keeping a secret is necessary for a relationship to survive

Trust, honesty and transparency might be the backbone of every relationship, but sometimes spilling the beans may not be the wisest thing to do. Make sure both of you are in it for the long haul, before letting out your secrets.

Sex and Relationships, Kate Hudson with Riz Ahmed in Mira Nair's 'Reluctant Fundamentalist'
Kate Hudson with Riz Ahmed in Mira Nair's 'Reluctant Fundamentalist'

Dr Nilesh Shah, HOD, Psychiatry at Sion Hospital, says, "Secrets are vital to keep a relationship going. There are certain facts that people can't accept, since the ability to tolerate varies from individual to individual. At time, secrets guarantee happiness and satisfaction in a relationship. And it needn't necessarily be classified as dishonesty. It's partial honesty."

The drawbacks of being an open book could range from lack of trust, to extreme boredom.

Sex and relationships, Is it wise to tell your partner everything?

An awkward drawback: An embarrassing but treatable disease/disorder can overwhelm your partner. Revealing such things on the first few dates is a not a good idea.
Your income: Everyone wants to be loved for what he/she is and not let the bank balance talk. Keeping your account details a secret till a seriousness of commitment creeps in, is a wise move.
People you have slept with: Your partner may get turned off at how long/short the list of your sexual escapades is, or be overcome by jealousy.

You've cheated before: Your best bet, if you truly care about him/her, is to come clean about your adulterous past.
Your take on the relationship: If you don't see the relationship getting serious, it's best to get vocal about it.
You have (or have had) any STDs: Your partner's life depends on this.

Insecurities: They hamper your self-confidence, and your partner's in you.
That you flirted: Although it's natural to casually flirt, telling your partner about it might upset the balance.
You find one of his/her friends hot: No lover likes to hear that.

Cyrus Sahukar, Veejay
How much you want to reveal about yourself depends on the nature of your relationship. For the first five dates, don't bother spilling the beans.

Kaveri Roy, Mass Media Student
Honesty could harm a relationship but it's better than living with the fear that your partner will find out. If he/she is mature, why hide?

Cyrus Dastur, Theatre person
Honesty is important, though there are some things that are best left unsaid. The past can alter a present relationship, and hence, needs to be tackled carefully.

Sunita Thakur, Homemaker
Complete honesty in the initial stage of the relationship helps strengthen the relationship. It helps build trust and respect.

Aditya Dave, Banker
Women love getting back at men with little secrets. So, I choose not to reveal everything. But the one I make a long-term commitment with, will know everything about me.

The joy of keeping a secret
>>An exhilarating curiosity arises from being with someone you don't know everything about.
>>Withholding key, albeit harmless, tidbits of information about yourself can add a sense of mystery.
>>The stronger the relationship becomes, the more you can open up. 

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