It does not feel like equal kind of love

Published: Feb 26, 2020, 06:22 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

When it is his birthday, I usually save as much as I can and get him something that I know will make him happy

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picMy best friend and I have been together since school. We have known each other for over two decades now, and I don't think there is anything wrong with our relationship. The only thing that has always annoyed me is the fact that he is cheap. When it is his birthday, I usually save as much as I can and get him something that I know will make him happy. When it's my birthday, he almost always gives me a greeting card and some chocolate. It's as if he doesn't even try to put in an effort. I know he loves me, but I think of this as a sign that it isn't an equal kind of love. Am I reading too much into it?

Birthday gifts may be important, but they are rarely as important as what someone means to you for the other 364 days. Your friend and you clearly have different attitudes towards gifting, but this is part of what makes each of you unique. If he were to buy you expensive gifts just because you do that for him, would it change any aspect of how much you mean to each other? There may be things you do that bother him too, because nothing we do can ever be perfect. If this worries you as much as it does, why not talk to him about it? Friendships based on honesty are the ones that will last. He may have a perfectly reasonable explanation for not spending on more than a card and chocolate.

My boyfriend lives in another city, so we usually end up meeting just once or twice a year. He was supposed to meet me last week but cancelled at the last minute and went to visit a friend instead, because that friend's father was ill. I know this is a reasonable explanation, but I can't help feeling angry about it. Do I not matter to him?

If you believe his reason was perfectly justifiable, how does it mean you don't matter?

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