Kama Sutra: The post-marriage version

Published: 14 November, 2013 13:12 IST | Dhara Vora |

Ancient Indian text Kama Sutra has long been revered around the world for the systematic knowledge it imparts about sex in all its forms

Ancient Indian text Kama Sutra has long been revered around the world for the systematic knowledge it imparts about sex in all its forms. The sexual nature of the contents of the book have piqued the interest of several pursuers of carnal desires. However, when it comes to the jaded reality of married life all the gymnastic ‘positions’ one would have imagined to experiment with seem like a teenage dream marred with the hurdles of day-to-day existence. Celebrated young American author Simon Rich and graphic artist Farley Katz have tried to make these daily routines funny for all mortals with what they call ‘The World’s Least Erotic Sex Manual’, The Married Kama Sutra.

When the woman spends hours at the hair salon and returns home with bangs, and the man has no reaction whatsoever, it is called “the blindness of the mole.” Captions & Pics courtesy/Little, Brown and Company

When the woman enters the room, and the man quickly closes his laptop, because he has been looking up ex-girlfriends on Facebook, it is called “a close call.”

They keep their funny side up when they tell us, “We didn’t actually come up with the idea. When scientists discovered this lost chapter of the Kama Sutra, they turned to us to translate it (we are America’s leading Sanskrit experts).” Katz has created 64 ‘real positions’ illustrations for this book. He tells us that he has been married for several years and is intimately familiar with a number of the Married Kama Sutra “positions”. Ask them if they plan to follow what they call as a sequel to the Kama Sutra with a sequel, Rich replies: “We’re hoping to publish a Divorce Kama Sutra, or at the very least, a Trial Separation Kama Sutra.” And, just when we thought they had poured out all hilarity, Katz tells us, “When my wife found out about the book, she got upset. I told her the book was not about her. “Then why does the woman look and dress like me?” she asked. I explained that a lot of women look and dress like that. Now, I sleep in the guest room.”

When the woman catches the man performing self-congress next to her in bed, and incredulously asks “Really?” and then he just turns away and keeps going, it is called “the determined jackrabbit.”

When the man lightly kisses the woman’s neck, and the woman tenderly strokes the man’s chest, and the child runs into the room screaming, because he heard a scary noise, or other b@#$^*t, it is called “the interrupted congress.”

When the man has his first weekend off from work in a month, and the woman makes him drive upstate to see her sisters, and they all talk about him like he isn’t in the room, it is called “inside the snake den.”

Rich and Katz are frequent contributors for The New Yorker. Rich writes for Saturday Night Live too

Simon Rich/pic courtesy Melissa Fuller. Farley Katz/pic courtesy Cristy Sotelo

The Married Kama Sutra, Simon Rich & Farley Katz; Little, Brown and Company. Available on Amazon.in (`780) and Flipkart.com (`796).

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