Let's party these elections

Updated: Feb 10, 2019, 09:27 IST | Rahul daCunha

For me, the only difference between this one and its predecessors is I'm going to hit that EVM button not giving a hoot either way

Let's party these elections
Illustration/Uday Mohite

GuideSo, we have a general election coming up in a month or so. Perhaps, one of those in my limited experience that will be full of drama, much blah-blah blubber, many promises and megaphone masti. I mean, there have been a few elections that had full Game of Thrones tamasha: 1977, when Indira madam felt the full wrath of the voting public for declaring Emergency. There was 1984, in which Rajiv the pilot sailed in with 400-odd seats, the consequence of a nation mourning the death of his mom. 2014 had much hope and optimism. And now 2019, I'd wager, we will vote with some dejection.

For me, the only difference between this one and its predecessors is I'm going to hit that EVM button not giving a hoot either way.

NaMo and RaGa have gone at each other taking 'mature' debate to new levels. Rafale jets and Gabbar Singh tax have led to some trading blows, plus much hugging and winking in parliament. And I have no idea what either side is promising me. More infra, more jobs: not really. I've been told not to read too much into the losses of Chhattisgarh, MP and Rajasthan — incumbency and all that.

The point is, promises were made from various pulpits. And, as Indians, we believe what we're told, but at some point our gullibility has an expiry date. Don't mess with us — we don't really care about your lynchings, we need livelihoods. Look after us before you protect cows. Do we vote the Lotus brigade back?

And then there's the other side — oh boy, when they all raise their hands in unison, Mamata, Laloo, Akhilesh, Gandhi jr, Mayawati, what is that phrase, Mahagathbandhan (different from that fillum Manikarnika, in which a rampaging Ms Ranaut runs riot over the enemy), my despondency knows no bounds.

And young Rahul, what can he possibly do versus a Yogi Adityanath? Who will be our next PM if the opposition wins? Yes, dear reader, a devil and a deep blue sea situation.

Really, if I had to vote for one guy to run my country, it would be, um, that American guy, the one who likes Bruce Springsteen, the one married to Michelle Obama? At least I like him. I've been told, you don't have to like your leaders, as long as they are effective. Well, ask the Amrikans. No one likes the man with the golden mop but they still voted for him.

So in conclusion, when I look at my Indian cricket team, oh boy, I feel optimism. Young Bumrah with his odd action, and, of course, Viratbhai with his batmanship and bratmanship. But when I think of the future of India and the men in our government, I feel a spooky tremor go down my spine.

I go back to my first principle of voting — select the guy who's done the most for my constituency. He's my MP, where MP stands for 'My Protector'.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer, and traveller. Reach him at

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