shot-button
Subscription Subscription
Home > News > Opinion News > Article > Lights camera election

Lights, camera, election

Updated on: 20 January,2019 05:57 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Rahul da Cunha |

But that other Rahul, that Johri guy, himself a #MeToo dude, has the cheek to lecture us and is now taking us to court. We have not broken any laws. The CoAwNIotL are seriously out to get us."

Lights, camera, election

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Rahul da CunhaAnd so, this morning two Rahuls called me — first was KL Rahul.
"Man, daCunha I want to vent…arghhhhh!"
"Go for it, bro", I said
"Look, I accept that idiot Hardik made some daft comments about women on that Karan's Koffee show, unnecessary macho nonsense and, yeah, we definitely should be
banned for a couple of games. For that we're deeply apologetic. But that other Rahul, that Johri guy, himself a #MeToo dude, has the cheek to lecture us and is now taking us to court. We have not broken any laws. The CoAwNIotL are seriously out to get us."


"Um, Rahul, it is CoA, right? Stands for Committee of Administrators, it's not CoAwNIotL?"
"No," KL replied. "It's Confederacy of A**es With No Idea Of The Law. This issue has been blown crazily out of proportion, man, our careers are really being messed with. See now, I have an inquiry to go to. Ciao."
Just then, the second Rahul called.


"Yo, bro, I need your help. With Lok Sabha elections round the corner, the BJP is swinging into action — the 2014 election slogan, Ab Ki Baar Modi Sarkar, has been replaced with Ab Ki Baar, Bollywood for 2019."
"Yes, Rahul, I agree. Uri is a good example of combining propaganda in potboiler form. Who needs megaphones and microphones when there are movies, right?"
"So my mummy Sonia says, we need you to write us some dhamaka films?"
"Why should I write for the Congress? Frankly, between all you guys, it's devil and deep blue sea. Give me one reason why I should side with you?"


"Because you and I share a common first name!"
He had a point.
"Rahul, I'm giving you till afternoon to come back with some ideas to counter Bhajap. Capiche?"
Sharp at noon, Rahul Gandhi strode into my house.
"So Gandhi Jr, I have some film plans for you — in some cases I have potential casts as well. Understand that each project is either to tomtom Congress achievements or belittle the opposition. Cool?"

'Shoot," he said.
The first film is called Munnabhai Moneybhai. It's about demonetisation. Obviously, we can't ask Raju Hirani to make the film till he figures this whole #MeToo issue out. But the story is, Sanjay Dutt is Munnabhai MoneyBhai and Arshad Warsi is called Fake Note. It's a bank heist, about these two guys robbing a bank, on November 8, 2017, except the vault only has old '1,000 notes and they have to figure how they will dispose of the notes."
"Cool, what else?"

'The second film, I'm casting in anticipation, in case you guys
win and you are forced to have a
coalition."
"Wow, tell me, who are you seeing as Akhilesh Yadav?"
"Saif Ali Khan, same hook nose; Govinda as Laloo Prasad Yadav, Rajinikanth as Chandrababa Naidu, and we're still looking at many possible Mamatas, maybe Rakhi Sawant."
"And who's playing me?" Rahul Gandhi asked.

"Matt Damon."
"Why? Because we share the same good looks?"
"No, then I can call the film, The Born Legacy!"

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

Catch up on all the latest Crime, National, International and Hatke news here. Also download the new mid-day Android and iOS apps to get latest updates

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!


Mid-Day Web Stories

Mid-Day Web Stories

This website uses cookie or similar technologies, to enhance your browsing experience and provide personalised recommendations. By continuing to use our website, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. OK