Lobo Lobo and #FaceAppChallenge

Published: Jul 21, 2019, 05:43 IST | Rahul da Cunha

"But, why are you dressed like you're acting in the St Aloysius Parish zonal play competition?"

Lobo Lobo and #FaceAppChallenge
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Rahul da CunhaLobo Lobo hobbled into my house with a walker, looking distinctly older.

"Lobo Lobo, pardon my directness, but why do you look so um… old? Are you okay?"

"Arre Dikuna men, I have not aged men bloody. Look closely, all dis is make-up men, on my face, see see, dis is grey paint in my hair, dese wrinkles, not real, it is my Myrtle's eyeliner, and dis walker I borrowed from Maganlal Dresswala. Dey have a Vashi branch wid a medical props division."

"But, why are you dressed like you're acting in the St Aloysius Parish zonal play competition?"

"No no, Mr Rahul, dere is a craze on social media, men, called #FaceAppChallenge, where peepuls can age demselves. Everyone from dat Meghan Markle dame, to our filmi folk are all into it. Wot wot fads people follow, men? Last month only, Akshay Kumar was kicking de cap off a bottle, in de #BottleCap Challenge. Dis week he is wearing a sari for #SareeTwitter and ageing himself for #FaceAppChallenge. What is going on men? Everyone's fully cracked, I tink, dey have no kaam danda."

"But Lobo Lobo, please explain to me, why have you physically made yourself look older. The #FaceAppChallenge is an app on Facebook, where you can age yourself virtually."

"Arre men, Dikuna, I am not on social media, so how to do it men?"

"So, you're telling me, because you are technically handicapped, to age yourself you actually put on make-up? Why take it so literally? Especially if you think these are crazy fads?"

Lobo Lobo went quiet, something so rare even Halley's Comet would have been surprised.

"I did it, men, okay. I did it. Um, I have my reasons."

"Okay Theo, relax, you don't have to tell me, if it's private."

"I did it for my hero, as a sign of my support and, uh, and a protest."

"Who is your hero Lobo Lobo?" I enquired, fascinated.

"MS Dhoni," he blurted out.

"So, what's the symbolism?" I began, totally nonplussed.

"I want to tell dat fallow, my MSD, Mahendra Singh Doni, chalo men, enuff is enuff men. Time to step down, men, hang up your boots. Everyone is giving one-two gaalis to you. Dey are saying, retire-retire-retire. Peepuls are forgetting de great tings you've achieved. Dey only remember de present, chhe. Blinking ungrateful fools. But also, Doni men, why can't you just go out wid dignity?"

"Maybe he feels his time isn't up."

"You know Dikuna men, people, especially sports people in dis country, dey don't know when dere time is up, men."

Lobo Lobo paused for breath.

"Chalo men I have to go or I'll get good thrashing from my Myrtle. She is waiting for me, she is also putting on her ageing make-up. She, too, wants to support her heroine, someone who she feels should bow out gracefully."

"And, who is Myrtle's heroine, Lobo Lobo?" I asked curious.

"Why, it's obvious. Serena Williams, of course, men, chhe."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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