Yes, reader, that is the only way I could describe the 10-minute rage-ologue that my cable dude subjected me to
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Lobo Lobo came to my home, stood at the doorstep and let out what could only be described as a feminist fit.
Yes, reader, that is the only way I could describe the 10-minute rage-ologue that my cable dude subjected me to.
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"Wot men Dikuna, wot wot is going on wid men all over de world men."
"Uh Lobo Lobo, that's a bit of an extreme statement."
"Arre, what our Indian men are doing che, chhe chee dirty eh! All dis sexual harassment ting happening in Bollywood. First, dis Palekar Patankar Patekar fellow harassing dat poor Tanushree dame! And he's getting pissed off that she's accusing men, during de shooting of dat movie, wotchyoucallit, ah it's called Horny 'Ok' Pleassss."
"Uhm Lobo Lobo, its Horn 'Ok' Pleassss."
"Arrey wot difference it makes, 'Horn Ok' or 'Horny Ok', same ting. In fact, Horny 'Ok' Pleassss would be a better title don't you tink, eh Dikuna?"
"Uhm."
"At least she had de guts men to speak out dat Dutta dame. Wot about all de udder poor dames who keep quoit men! And have kept quoit all dese years. Dese lecherous men behave anyway dey want and hope to get away scot free."
"Uhm."
"And wout about de silent spectators men, areey de Big B, Mr Bachchan is asked wot he tinks abut dis whole ting and wot is his reply, 'I am not Tanushree Dutta, I am not Nana Patekar, how can I comment on the issue!' Wot rot dat is men, you are de senior most person in dis blinkling Hindi fillum
industry, when you speak peepul will listen men! And you are trying to be funny. Den dat udder villain from de movies, Bhakti, what his name is, ah, Shakti Kapoor, he was in de same movie, he was present when dis incident happened, and wot he says, 'Ten years ago, I was only a kid, what do I know?'. Huh wot, you were 56 men, you have no toughts, arre you bu+%$#er you have a daughter Shradda men, who could fall prey to dis type behaviour, have some shame! Chhe men Dikuna, dis is all bunkus!"
"Uhm."
"And wot about all dat is happening on de internet, one hoodlum from AIB company is sending dirty pics to one lady. And in de United States one judge person is saying dat dis molestation he did when he was 17, so it's ok. He's a changed man now."
I dare not ask Thelonious Lobo, if it were possible that a man could change.
"But dere Is also good news, Mr Rahul. Prithvi Shaw, wot a star men, century on his test match debut. Dat is chakaaas. We are very happy men!"
"Who's 'we', Lobo Lobo, I'm guessing you're referring to the whole of India, right?"
"Arrey no no not India, Dikuna. I'm only talking about 'our side' men!"
"What is 'our side' Lobo?"
"O Fo, men, 'our side' mins
Virar, Prithvi Shaw is a Virar
chappie men. We Virarites are very overjoyed men."
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com
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