Lobo Lobo, the SoBoYoBro

He had a hoodie on, many tattoos and his fingers were covered with rings. Before I could utter a word, he rattled/rapped the following

Illustration/Uday Mohite

So Lobo Lobo came to my house the other day, dressed like a cross between Ranveer Singh in Gully Boy and Bappi Lahiri in life. He had a hoodie on, many tattoos and his fingers were covered with rings. Before I could utter a word, he rattled/rapped the following:

"Wazz up yo men, D bro… howz your good self dude huh say wot yo yo yo ossum possum chillax pillax josh is high."

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I looked at him with some concern.

"Lobo Lobo bro, why are you dressed like a desi rap star?"

"Dikuna men, now we've got a problem. Please no more, you call me Lobo yo… got it yo… my noo name iz sumtin diff now, get it, know wot I'm saying?"

"Oh okay, so it's not Thelonious Lobo anymore. What do we now call you?"

"Have myself many pen names yo bro. Gotta reach out to ma fans across the city. I reach out to variety of peeps. I'm V-Man to my Virar peeps, I'm a Puff Uncle to my son's pals. To my carrom buddies, I'm de Striker."

I pause to take this all in.

"So um, V-Man. Why have you become all these new people?"

"Not diff peeps, diff avatars. I want to sing songs of protests, reach de common peeps out dere, yo sho ko mo mo ossum possum. And by the way, you not allowed to call me V-Man. Dat name is reserved for all de peeps from Virar and de Western Express commuters. For townies, I am SoBoYoBro."

"Okay, SoBoYoBro, what are the kinds of songs you write?"

"Pleeze dude, what I write aren't songs, got it. Songs are what Mika Singh and Honey Yo Yo write. Dese are anthems, verses of rebellion, protests. And my special gift is I make up dem verses on de spot yo! Anyting men, big issues, small issues, national issues, you name it bro yo yo. I write it, sing it."

"So what if my cable TV is off, and I'm pissed off that I can't see the news, write me a protest song!"

The Striker thought for a second, then rattled off:

"Your cable, unable, disable, You can't see de news. You're bemused full of anger with your antenna. Is it a crow, is it de wind. Talk to me wind god. Give me back my Zee, to see."

I paused. "Okay, I get it. So, I'm guessing you have an anthem for the Pulwama attacks, Puff Uncle?"

Lobo Lobo's face became cold. "To tell de truth men, first I was mad angry. I wrote many, many verses, to de government peeps to wage war, men. But dat's no answer men. So I wrote dis verse of patriotism. It got me 1 million views on YouTube.
Here goes verse 1:
Jingostan Hindostan BeatBox Beatbakk
Gotta get those cowardly Pakks
Patankhot and Uri
Dey'll be sorry
Dose boys buggin me
Call demselves neighbours
Put me into Pulwama
And den see de drama
Put me on de line wid Immy Khan
And den see de fun fun
I'll tell him. Apna time aayega, bro."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer, and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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