Lobo Lobo votes

Updated: Apr 14, 2019, 07:54 IST | Rahul daCunha

So, Lobo Lobo stormed into my house. "Hey Dikuna men, who you'll vote for on April 29 in your SoBo area?"

Lobo Lobo votes
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Rahul da CunhaSo, Lobo Lobo stormed into my house. "Hey Dikuna men, who you'll vote for on April 29 in your SoBo area?"

"Uh, not sure. The choice is between a blues guitarist and an alleged bandit. So, I still have two weeks to decide. But my question to you, Thelonious, is, why so angry?"

"See men chhe. I hate all mantris equally. Arre, what blighters they are, men. Bleddy buggers, come begging for my vote tree days before election, and after I give it to dem, dey dissapper like de bleeding Invisible Man for five years. De udder dey, dis one neta from our area, had more blinking jewellery on dan Bappi Lahiri, comes wid a seedy smile on his face, in a jeep wid loud Bollywood music playing, and tells me, 'Namaste Lobo saheb. Tum bada aadmi aahe. Virar area cha influential person aahe.' I'm tinking to myself, wot influential person? All bunkus, men. I can't influence my own wife Myrtle to make me pork vindaloo when I want. Anyway, I tell dis brigand, wot about de Metro work, why it's taking so long? He tells me dat I should speak to BMC. Dat's not his problem. I tell him, where are all my parks and gardens going, men? He says, dat is de purview of de local MLA. So, I ask, 'Wot wot all will you do as MP?' He smiles, wid folded hands and says, 'Sewa... mein desh ka sewa karta hoon.' After he vamooses, I Google him and see dat de guy has five criminal cases against him. He should be doing sewa from inside a jail cell."

"So, what is it that really bugs you?"

"See men, Mr Rahul, I just hate all dese scamsters, bleddy talking-talking, yapping-yapping, giving raagpati. But, you know what gets my goat biggest men? Is all dese blighters only fight wid each udder. No sensible debate."

"You mean like in the US?"

"Yeah men. Elections are approaching, one guy is giving gaalis to de udder fellows great-granddad, den he in reply tells dis fellow dat he's only good to make tea, den de first fellow gives mo bad words to dat second fellow's granny, and dis nonsense goes on, men. I want to know one concrete ting dat eider of de parties will do to better my life." Lobo Lobo paused.

"In de US, dat Obama dude, told de Yanks, I will improve Healthcare, and he gave dem Obamacare, dat blonde wig chappie, is saying, I will keep out immigrants, so he's trying to build a wall. You may not like de bugger, I mean, dat is a whole udder argument: should you like your leader? I mean, everyone loved Barack and everyone hates Trump. But, dere dey make promises, and you see de effort in trying to fulfil dem. I see nutting here. I tell you Dikuna men, I want to start my own political party one day."

"What will you call it?"

"LMFAO: Lobo & Myrtle Fight Against Oppression."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

Catch up on all the latest Crime, National, International and Hatke news here. Also download the new mid-day Android and iOS apps to get latest updates

Narendra Modi's candid interview with Akshay Kumar

Related News

This website uses cookie or similar technologies, to enhance your browsing experience and provide personalised recommendations. By continuing to use our website, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. OK